my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
