What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This is not my ceiling
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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