I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
