i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
