But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
