I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
