It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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