Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
