I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
