I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
