We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
