That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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