It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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