uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize