I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
