Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
smell my finger.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
