She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
