yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
