And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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