She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
