Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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