I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
