I want to make a zoo with you.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
