Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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