I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i came on her dog
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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