I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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