Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
