i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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