are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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