oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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