I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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