when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
