his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Barsexuality is the new black.
We got so high we made milksteak
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
