You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Buhtt sex?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
