It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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