I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
