My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
