I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
