I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
