here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
