Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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