The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
