just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You need Xanax blowdarts
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
