I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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