Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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