So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
