i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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