can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
