I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
