I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize