I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
