The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize