she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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