ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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