i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh god it's open bar.
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