I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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