Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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