do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my poor anus
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
