I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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