This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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