My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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