If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Will exercising make me less horny?
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