there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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