addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
